Muddy River Play

Today was beautifully overcast and less than hotter than hell. We hung around the house for most of the early afternoon. I took a little nap with Audrey to help keep a headache at bay. (I have stopped drinking soda and my head has been pounding for 2 days). Morgan was very patient with me considering she REALLY wanted to sew. In order not to wake her sister, she kept whispering downstairs, "Mommy, come on." Finally, I was able to pick my body off the bed in order to help Morgan my baby with the sewing machine. When Audrey got up, Morgan was excited to show Audrey the machine and "help" her touch it and look at all the parts.
After we cleaned up a little, we were off to play at the park. We actually didn't even enter the playground today. Morgan went straight to the stage and found some kids to play with. Audrey and I lagged behind as Morgan ran off to look at the river. Before I could even catch up, she asked if she could go down to the water. The water was high and there was no real place to play the last time she had asked and that picture was at the forefront of my mind. Immediately, I said, "no." However, when I got to the deck, I could see how low the river was and that we could all go down and play in the sand/mud. Morgan was very happy that I had a change of mind and rushed off to play with 3 children that were already swimming in the muddy water. Morgan wasn't there for 2 seconds before she was rubbing the mud on her dress and walking as far as she could go. I was totally bummed that I did not have my camera with me!
Audrey was not quite as eager to get messy or wet. As soon as I set her tiny toes onto the sand, she freaked out. I was pleased to have her stay in my arms until she was ready to explore a little more. I knew that once she started digging in the mud with a stick she would be fine; it really is just the texture of the sand/mud that bothers her the most. Eventually, she requested to get "up" and played quietly at my feet without ever venturing out too far.
Morgan, on the other hand, was far enough up the river that I could see her but couldn't hear her at all. She was playing with a boy named Clark(5) and another girl around the age of 5. Clark's little sister, Jessica (3), started crying about something. Her mother was with me and showed no sign of going to her. Morgan left the two older children and went to help the little girl. I have no idea what was said, but it was such an awesome sight to watch my little girl leave her game and wade to the water to the girl. She took her hand and helped her move through the water. I smiled from the inside out at the beautiful child that is my daughter.

Audrey shows off her shoes

Audrey LOVES shoes (and baby dolls)!!! The world stops for a pair of shoes not being worn. Any pair will are fine no matter what size. She loves them all and enjoys showing hers to people. While we were at Fernbank, this little girl in the picture was truly taken with Audrey and wanted to be near her. Audrey immediately started "talking" to her. Though the words made no sense to my adult ears, the moment she stuck her foot out I knew what the topic of conversation was. She even sat down to show the girl's mom her wonderful shoes as well.

"Corder" Sesame Street

Yesterday, as I was busy getting ready for the day, Morgan and Audrey were dancing to some music that was on Elmo's World. They were having such a fabulous time together! When I was finished getting ready, Morgan asked, "will you 'corder' Sesame Street for me." ("corder" = record) I said, "Sure, but I thought you didn't like Sesame Street." To which my daughter replied, "I don't, but I do if Audrey watches it with me." :)

Fernbank Community Day

Today was a lot of fun. Diane picked us up around 9:30 this morning and we went to Fernbank's community day. Admission was free and the place was pretty crowded. Morgan practically ran through the museum giving everything a glance over. We have noticed that this is how she likes to experience places like that. When we went to the aquarium and 2 different children's museums, she did the same thing. At Fernbank she seemed to like the dinosaur exhibit and the "fishing basket" in the children's area the best. Stopping and letting anyone read to her about any of the exhibits is not something she is interested in doing. Looking around and touching things is how she is learning best so far.
The museum is not conducive to having a toddler in tow. There was only one small elevator and lots of stairs. I was very thankful that Diane was with us. It would have been MUCH more difficult on my own! I think the girls had a fun time and it is a place that I think the girls will enjoy more as they get older.
We ate lunch at El Azteca on the way home. The food was absolutely wonderful and it wasn't too hot to eat outside. I was in heaven because I love that area of town so much and don't get to go there very often. I think we all had a good time.
While Audrey napped, Morgan and I watched the Princess Diaries 2, which I have to admit I enjoyed:) Then we went to the pool. Morgan only swam for about 10 minutes when her friend, Selena, arrived at the playground. Morgan quickly jumped out of the pool and joined her friend on the monkey bars. The girls played for over and hour and I know Morgan was thrilled. The two of them really bring out the best in one another. Audrey swam with me the majority of the time the girls played and then we went home for a quick dinner.
Today was a long day for Mark and the girls did not get to see him. Morgan was almost in tears over it and asked if she could please get up early tomorrow to see him before he goes to work. I promised he would give her a kiss when he gets home.
Before going to sleep, Morgan and I shared about ourselves with each other. She was honest and open about things she has done that she tried to hide from me because she thought I would get angry about and about times she feels sad and afraid. It was an awesome discussion and she was very peaceful before she drifted off to sleep.
Little Audrey was a little overtired and whined "baby, baby, baby," before giving up and closing her eyes for the day. I fell asleep right between the two of them, thankful for my absolutely wonderful life.

The chipmunk

Last Friday, the girls and I went on our normal morning run. When we returned, we found one of the most disturbing things I think I have ever experienced. A poor little chipmunk had gotten stuck on a rat trap that had been put into the garage and was fighting for its life. Watching it struggle to free itself was beyond sad. For some reason, the feeling of terror crept over my entire body and I was paralyzed to help the little creature. I quickly ran into the house for Mark. Now freeing a wild animal from a trap is something he would usually NOT be interested in doing. Knowing this, I told him there was something he needed to do outside and he could not tell me there was nothing he could do about it. Oh yeah...and to please hurry. My wonderful husband came out and went right to work with sticks and warm water and freed the animal. After it struggled so long, I am not sure if it lived or not, but I sure hope so.

Daddy is home

This past week Mark was gone a lot between school and work. The sweet man is working his butt off and has to be completely exhausted. Every minute he is home, he has both girls clamoring for his attention. This morning he got up at 7:30 and helped Morgan paint out on the deck. Audrey and I went for my run while the two of them spent some time together. On the days we run and Mark is off, Audrey repeats, "dada, dada, dada," over and over during the stroller ride. She does that even if we leave and he is still asleep in bed. She is very in tune with Daddy and continuously calls his name when he is around. We all love spending time together and are extremely lucky to have each other.

The mess

A few days ago, in the late afternoon, I looked around the living room and all I could see were toys paper, clothes, and other items strewn all over the place. The walls began to close in and I lost myself for what seemed like a very long time. I am sure it seemed even longer to my poor daughter. All of the sudden I could not stand the room looking like a disaster area for one more minute. I obsessively clung to the idea that the room needed to be cleaned immediately and that Morgan needed to help me. Every moment that ticked by, as I put away toy after toy, my body became more tense with the anger that was bubbling up inside my body. My daughter stood watching her normally calm mommy turn into a manipulative and angry bitch. I suppose in the beginning I did actually request Morgan' s help in a half way decent tone. However, it was a tone that was, I am sure, less than inviting and carried a strong "get the heck away from mommy," vibe with it. Being 4 and less likely to walk out of the room when spoken to in a rude, threatening, and disrespectful way, my child sat on the couch and cried as I insinuated that I was going to throw away some of her papers that were on the floor if she didn't pick them up. As the words left my lips, I knew that how I was acting was making a mess much larger than the one I was so intent on getting straightening. The mess I was making was one I could apologize for but could never clean up.

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Erasing those moments would not do either one of us any good. I continue to think about it and the many issues that arise from talking about it with different people. One conversation in particular that has come up has stuck with me and I am still trying to flesh it out. So here goes...

There is one point of view that says children should listen to their parents and obey when they are told/asked to do something, period. Why? No, seriously, why? I have a hard time coming up with a reasonable answer to this question. It is not that I can't see that the parent may have some knowledge about the world that the child doesn't have. I just think that the adult's knowledge does not trump the needs/wants of a child. When someone says, "she should just listen," what is often meant is that the adult's words/wishes are more important than the child's. According to this paradigm, when I asked Morgan to help me clean, she should have begun putting things away. When she replied, "I don't want to," her words should hold no importance and would be seen as disrespectful of me. However, the disrespect inherent in me ignoring her stated feeling is not even recognized. (I find it funny that people who adopt this parenting style are often the ones who say their children can't accept when they are told, "no." It seems to me the children aren't the only ones who can't accept being told, "no.")
What fascinates me is what happens when I exchange Morgan with Mark in this example. If I had asked Mark to help me clean and he told me he didn't want to, would I still be expected to disregard his wishes and demand his help? Would it be acceptable for me to tell him I would throw away his clothes he had left in the floor? Would it even make sense for me to tell him he could not get on the computer until he helped clean the room? Of course, this is absurd. So why is it less absurd when dealing with a child. I would argue that it is absolutely just as ridiculous.

Perhaps my biggest concern with expecting my children to "do as they are told," is the long term effect it would have on my relationship with them. I see no value in "top-down" parenting and see clearly how it destroys whatever respect and connection that may be present between children and their parents. I feel that this type of parenting is short sighted and gives no thought to the fact that we are not raising children, but raising adults. When my children are grown, I hope they are authentic people who (among many other things) find value in their relationship with me. In order for this to be the case, I can't wait until they reach adulthood to start respecting who they are.
From the beginning of their lives, I have tried every day (and hopefully succeeded on most days) to communicate my interest in and love for who my daughters truly are and who they are not. It is important to me that they know I respect them and value their opinions. I want our relationships to be alive and constantly growing. I want them to know without a doubt that my love is unconditional. And I want them to know that I have always believed they were my equals. The loudest and most convincing way I know to communicate my feelings to my children is through my actions. This belief is what keeps me constantly looking at how I behave and trying to do better. I know there will be many many more times like the one we had the other day. I am not perfect and I will continue to make mistakes. I acknowledge this openly with my girls and will continue to apologize whenever it is necessary.

10 Ways We Misunderstand Children

Ten Ways We Misunderstand Children

By Jan Hunt, M.Sc.

(from the Natural Child Project)

1. We expect children to be able to do things before they are ready.

We ask an infant to keep quiet. We ask a 2-year-old to sit still. We ask a 4-year-old to clean his room. In all of these situations, we are being unrealistic. We are setting ourselves up for disappointment and setting up the child for repeated failures to please us. Yet many parents ask their young children to do things that even an older child would find difficult. In short, we ask children to stop acting their age.

2. We become angry when a child fails to meet our needs.

A child can only do what he can do. If a child cannot do something we ask, it is unfair and unrealistic to expect or demand more, and anger only makes things worse. A 2-year-old can only act like a 2-year-old, a 5-year-old cannot act like a 10-year-old, and a 10-year-old cannot act like an adult. To expect more is unrealistic and unhelpful. There are limits to what a child can manage, and if we don't accept those limits, it can only result in frustration on both sides.

3. We mistrust the child's motives.

If a child cannot meet our needs, we assume that he is being defiant, instead of looking closely at the situation from the child's point of view, so we can determine the truth of the matter. In reality, a "defiant" child may be ill, tired, hungry, in pain, responding to an emotional or physical hurt, or struggling with a hidden cause such as food allergy. Yet we seem to overlook these possibilities in favor of thinking the worst about the child's "personality".

4. We don't allow children to be children.

We somehow forget what it was like to be a child ourselves, and expect the child to act like an adult instead of acting his age. A healthy child will be rambunctious, noisy, emotionally expressive, and will have a short attention span. All of these "problems" are not problems at all, but are in fact normal qualities of a normal child. Rather, it is our society and our society's expectations of perfect behavior that are abnormal.

5. We get it backwards.

We expect, and demand, that the child meet our needs - for quiet, for uninterrupted sleep, for obedience to our wishes, and so on. Instead of accepting our parental role to meet the child's needs, we expect the child to care for ours. We can become so focussed on our own unmet needs and frustrations that we forget this is a child, who has needs of his own.

6. We blame and criticize when a child makes a mistake.

Yet children have had very little experience in life, and they will inevitably make mistakes. Mistakes are a natural part of learning at any age. Instead of understanding and helping the child, we blame him, as though he should be able to learn everything perfectly the first time. To err is human; to err in childhood is human and unavoidable. Yet we react to each mistake, infraction of a rule, or misbehavior with surprise and disappointment. It makes no sense to understand that a child will make mistakes, and then to react as though we think the child should behave perfectly at all times.

7. We forget how deeply blame and criticism can hurt a child.

Many parents are coming to understand that physically hurting a child is wrong and harmful, yet many of us forget how painful angry words, insults, and blame can be to a child who can only believe that he is at fault.

8. We forget how healing loving actions can be.

We fall into vicious cycles of blame and misbehavior, instead of stopping to give the child love, reassurance, self-esteem, and security with hugs and kind words.

9. We forget that our behavior provides the most potent lessons to the child.

It is truly "not what we say but what we do" that the child takes to heart. A parent who hits a child for hitting, telling him that hitting is wrong, is in fact teaching that hitting is right, at least for those in power. It is the parent who responds to problems with peaceful solutions who is teaching his child how to be a peaceful adult. So-called problems present our best opportunity for teaching values, because children learn best when they are learning about real things in real life.

10. We see only the outward behavior, not the love and good intentions inside the child.

When a child's behavior disappoints us, we should, more than anything else we do, "assume the best". We should assume that the child means well and is only behaving as well as possible considering all the circumstances (both obvious and hidden from us), together with his level of experience in life. If we always assume the best about our child, the child will be free to do his best. If we give only love, love is all we will receive.

An auditory vision

Morgan came out with, what I think, to be a very fascinating statement/story today. She was trying to tell me about something that happened to her a few days ago. She said she was doing something and my voice and her voice were in her head. She said that she knew it was in her head because she saw me sitting in the chair and I was not talking. She said "it was like a vision." I asked her when she first noticed this and she said "the other day when I was watching Cheetah Girls."

This whole conversation stunned me. I don't think that I have ever really wondered when someone first realizes or hears their own voice in their head. That has to symbolize some sort of change in consciousness?. I now wonder if there was any internal dialogue before and she was just unaware of it or if there was none at all. When she told me of her experience, she seemed to think it was interesting and new. Is this something that coincides with the concept of "I" or "me" that is separate from another? As I have written in a recent post, Morgan's empathy seems to also be developing around the same time as this new phenomena. It seems to me that empathy and the experience/awareness of the "self" would begin to develop around the same time.

These ideas excite me and remind me to be careful about what I expect from my children. I am also reminded of how completely different their internal world is than my own. It is so easy to forget these facts and fall into that mode of expecting way too much from them. I absolutely believe that children are doing the best they can at any given moment. A toddler that grabs a toy from another is doing what everything in his being is telling him to do. "Sharing" is not something that makes any sense at that stage. You can say, "you have to learn to share," a zillion times and it won't make any difference until he is actually capable of sharing. Keeping in mind that empathy and a sense of self are essential in having the ability to share, the ability comes much later than some may think. Remembering that they are working with a different set of tools and are using them in the best way they know how definitely helps me to be more compassionate, empathetic, and better mom.

Surprise weekend

We had a very busy weekend! Friday I was able to finish my CPR instructor training by teaching Diane and Margaret in front of my teacher. I was checked off and I am now an official CPR instructor! Hopefully I will get some more clients soon.

Friday evening I asked mom what her weekend looked like and she mentioned that she was watching the girls on Sat. because Mark was taking me out. Mark had not mentioned this to me and I thought it a bit odd since making arrangements for the girls in order to take me out is out of character for him. He successfully explained it away and Sat. afternoon he took me to La Paz for lunch. When we got there my family was waiting to celebrate my 30th birthday with me a little early. It was wonderful! I was so happy to see people I love so much; Diane, Margaret, Rick, Mom, Meridith, Mark, Morgan, Audrey, and...my Dad. I almost burst into tears on the spot. It was a wonderful and memorable birthday surprise! After eating a delicious lunch, we went to Diane and Margaret's to hang out with my Dad for the rest of the evening. We met for breakfast of Sun. before he had to go back home.

I decided that once I teach a few classes of CPR and get some moola, I will drive to the beach to stay with Dad and Cathy for a few days. I asked Morgan if she wanted to do this and she is very excited by the idea. Actually, she is packing an incredible amount of items that she wants to bring right now. The fact that I am not even sure when we are going is of no importance to her. She is having such a great time that I wouldn't dream of stopping her.

The weekend was so busy and Audrey definitely did not get enough sleep. She had a cough and runny nose Monday and seemed to feel quite crappy. She took 2 long naps and slept for a long time last night. She seems somewhat better today, but I think we will still take it easy today.

Too Cute!

Swimming in the bathtub

Yesterday afternoon, Morgan decided that she wanted to go "swimming" in a bubbly bathtub. Audrey is ALWAYS up for a bath or shower, so even though she was tired, she was game. We gathered our swimming essentials and soap and headed upstairs. It has been awhile since Morgan has had a bubble bath and she was giddy as I turned on the water. Audrey loved the bath until we turned on the jets in order to make the bubbles really big. The noise concerned her first of all and then we quickly learned that Audrey does NOT like bubbles on her. They freaked her out and as soon as those bubbles began to grow, Audrey was ready to get the hell out! Audrey continued playing in the bathroom while Morgan "swam" for almost an hour. Had Audrey not needed a nap, I am sure Morgan would have stayed in much longer.

Amy comes home

Amy came home for a quick visit yesterday. Morgan is always so excited when we pull up and see Amy's car in the driveway! The two of them have a special relationship and whenever Amy comes home, you can bet Morgan is not far from her. Starting from the moment we get up, Morgan wants to know how long it will be until Amy gets up. Yesterday, Mark and I went to eat by ourselves and when we returned, Morgan had a box full of fun new items that Amy was passing along. We took the box downstairs and the girls had a blast playing with everything. There were purses, a cowboy hat, a bright fabric that I believe is a curtain, jewelry, a jewelry box, and some posters. Audrey especially liked the pink purse and carried it around in the nude, which looked so funny. Morgan shared everything with Audrey and they had fun looking through the jewelry and trying on the many bracelets. We haven't hung the posters, but Morgan has had fun sitting on them and pretending they are "magic carpets."
Amy took Morgan to lunch to eat with another of Morgan's favorite people, Karen. Karen works at the same hospital as Nina and Morgan got to meet many of Nina's friends as well. Morgan apparently met someone who did a magic trick for her and gave her a stuffed cheetah that she knows is a cheetah, but is calling it a leopard anyway. The man had Morgan thinking that he could make the cheetah/leopard talk and I have caught glimpses of her trying to do it all evening...Amy had to go back to school shortly after they got home from lunch. Morgan always hates to see her go and we all hope she comes back soon.

Morgan got a pet!

Morgan got her first pet today. She is extremely excited about her new fish, Betta Betta. Aunty Meeno was the one to facilitate the fish acquisition and together, Morgan and her aunt visited Optimum Aquarium. Morgan believes the fish to be female and so she is:) Her home is now a gallon sized bowl that sits in our living room. Morgan waited patiently all afternoon so she could feed her new friend before bed. She expected Ms. Betta to eat right away and was a bit disappointed when she didn't swim to the food straight away. Morgan went to bed very tired from an exciting day and eager to share Betta Betta with Daddy tomorrow.

Mark

Today is Mark's first day back to school! I know he is excited and I know he will be TIRED when he gets home. He had to work and so he got up at 5 something this morning and doesn't get out of school until 9:15 tonight. It will be quite an adjustment, I think, for all of us since there will be at least 1 day per week when the girls won't see Daddy at all. I know both of them miss him. Morgan asks many times each day when Daddy is coming home and when his days off are. Audrey actually cries for him at times.
Mark is absolutely the best parent I could have found for my children. I feel that my girls are very lucky to have him...we all are really. He is my best friend and my home. As any couple with young children, a great deal of our time and energy is spent on our girls. I know I am preoccupied much of the time with whatever the current needs of our kids are, but when I actually stop and look at the person I chose to make my life with, I am overwhelmed with how much I love him.
I am so excited that he is back in school because I know how much he enjoys it. However, I will miss him terribly while he is away.

The Dress

A few days ago, Morgan was coloring in a Cinderella coloring book and fell in love with one of the dresses. Well, actually, it is more like she fell in love with the idea of making the dress that she thinks is so beautiful. Having never sewn anything other than a straight line or anything more complex than a square, I have to admit that the task has seemed a bit daunting and beyond my capabilities. I was secretly hoping that she might forget or abandon her idea and I have since abandoned my secret hope. Morgan has the original picture from the coloring book and one that I traced for her. She has consistently carried one of them everywhere we have gone, with the exception of the pool. In the car, she sits in her seat and studies the dress until we reach our destination....Now, for those of you who are thinking that I should help her choose a simple dress pattern from the store and start there...great idea, but Morgan was NOT having it! I tried to explain why that idea seemed more reasonable to me given my limited sewing experience. We even went to Wal-Mart and looked at many patterns. She seemed happy, everything seemed like it was going to go my way, and then, "Yeah, you can make me one of those dresses, but it's not this dress (she points to the folded up picture I hadn't noticed her carrying in)." It seems like the funny looking kind-of-dress that I had already started to piece together was what she really wanted. Home we went without purchasing a simple dress pattern. Home we went to await Audrey drifting off to sleep so we could lug out the 30 year old sewing machine. Home we went to work on our wonderful creation that will have 1 bow at the top and 3 at the bottom when we are finished. Each time we sit to work together on this dress, I end up having so much fun. I have gotten to hear just how clear Morgan's ideas about clothes really are. When she describes what she wants me to do with the dress, it is obvious that there is a very specific picture she holds in her mind. I have noticed this before when she puts outfits together in a departments store. She never chooses an outfit that is displayed on a mannequin, she walks the entire store as if she has something in mind already that will go with a certain item she has chosen. Who knows where this interest of hers will lead, but I hope to help her as much as I can.

(Stay tuned for a finished picture of "The Dress.")

"Maybe"

I often take it for granted that people understand what I mean when I speak. Morgan teaches me each day that this may not be the smartest thing to do. In fact, she teaches me that if I really care about whether I am understood, I need to remember to make sure I am speaking the same "language" as my audience. This concept isn't one that is new to me but one that definitely needs to be brought to light every now and again in order to keep me on my toes. An example that I used in a recent post was Morgan's idea of "stranger." Had I not asked her what her definition of the word was, we could have missed each other completely. Another example happened today with my mom. Morgan called her "crazy." Mom insisted she wasn't "crazy" and seemed somewhat bothered that Morgan would call her that. When I noticed my mom's discomfort, I asked Morgan what "crazy" was and she said, "silly." Now who would be bothered by someone calling them "silly." Of course, that is unless their idea of "silly" is different than mine:)

Anyone who has had the privilege of spending time with children knows that effectively communication with them requires a lot of patience, practice, and mindfulness. That said, it is very difficult to explain certain words/ideas that exist in our language. And still there are concepts that seem like they are simple, but take a long time for a child to grasp. The idea of "maybe" is one that Morgan has not fully understood until recently. Honestly, I am not even sure I was aware that she didn't really understand it. But in the last few days, she has started to be able to talk about being excited about the possibility of an event happening, yet holding in her mind that the event may not happen. On some level, I suppose it may not seem like that big of a deal. The cognitive leap that had to have occurred in order for our current conversations to take place, though, is huge.

Commercials have Morgan sold

Morgan sees this "As Seen on TV" advertisement for "Aqua Dots" probably every morning. From what I can tell it is some version of something we did when I was younger. It used to require some small beads that you placed onto a plastic holder thingy and then ironed. The heat would melt the beads together and you could make a pattern. Aqua dots doesn't require the iron and somehow uses water to make the beads/dots stick together...Anyway, Morgan loves this idea. Every time she sees the commercial she comments on how she wants it. With all of the crap on commercials she is most consistent about this!?

oh yeah, the other thing she sees on TV that she really wants is the Steve Irwin Talking Action Figure. The commercial (and doll supposedly) has Steve Irwin saying, "Danger, Danger, Danger," in his Australian accent. Morgan can mimic his accent perfectly. I love to hear her tell me, "Mom, you know what I really want. The crocodile hunter doll that says 'Danger, Danger, Danger.' I swear she sounds like an Australian herself.

It wasn't 100 degrees!!

It didn't reach 100 degrees today!!!! The morning was actually quite comfortable and the girls and I had breakfast at the park. We made friends with a mom and her 3 children. The oldest was a 5 year old girl named Abby and Morgan hit it off with her immediately. Her younger brother, Noah (almost 3), LOVED Audrey (a little too much in some moments). He wanted to hug her repeatedly and rather than being sweet, soft hugs, he put his arms around her neck and sort of strangled her. The youngest boy was 6 months old and was in a snugli most of the time.

Abby and Morgan decided to walk on the trails and Audrey and I accompanied them. Abby was a lot more cautious than Morgan and got nervous when she didn't know where we were. I assured her that we were ok and not lost. She wasn't able to fully relax until she saw the place where we had started our hike. The rest of her family joined us and we walked awhile longer.

The hiking totally exhausted Audrey and she fell asleep as soon as we laid down for a nap. Morgan and Mom spent some time together while Audrey and I snuggled for a nap. We slept for almost 3 hours! We both felt much better when we woke up. Though Morgan wanted to make her dress (that is a WHOLE other story!) we went to the pool before Mark got home. Though Daddy got home late, there was still enough time for Morgan to watch part of Star Wars Episode 1 with him.

After I thought Morgan had fallen asleep, I came upstairs. A few minutes later I heard her get up. She told me that she thought someone had taken me and that I needed to let her know if I was getting up. She said, "don't you know what a stranger is?" I asked her what one is and she said, "a stranger is someone who takes people." Poor baby was visibly nervous. We talked about the "stranger" concept and she was able to relax and fall asleep.

As is often the case, when Audrey can get a long nap, she falls asleep easier and stays asleep longer at night. She fell asleep before Morgan even came to bed which hardly ever happens. I really should go take her picture because she is sleeping with her shoes on. I often wonder how many other children like to do that because both of mine have.

Audrey's has things to say!

Audrey's vocabulary is exploding. She repeats many words so clearly that I almost can't believe she is saying them. Her memory is also something that astounds me. Morgan walked out in one of her bathing suits yesterday and Audrey said "tie dye." Mark didn't believe that is actually what she said. I know without a doubt it is because the first time I heard her say it, I had the same reaction and she has repeated it several times.

Today we were on our way out the door and I had to go back for something. I suppose I was taking too long because I heard some tiny feet behind me. She came right up to me and said, "Let's go," and then turned around and walked back out of the room.

This afternoon Morgan was watching Caillou and he was counting. Audrey looked at the screen and repeated very clearly, "six," "seven," "eight." Morgan and I were cracking up.

She has started adding 2 words together like "car beep," "ding ding," "oh no," and "up bed."
She mimics Morgan often and one of my favorite things she does is hang an article of clothing around her neck, model it by sticking out one hip, and asking "ute?" (cute?)

R2-D2 Mailbox

Has anyone seen one of these R2-D2 mailboxes?
They are pretty cool.

What Morgan is up to

Morgan's brain seems to be screaming at her to create, make, invent, and learn things. She sometimes asks for help, but often spends rather long spans of time in her own world creating things all over the room. Each evening, well...most evenings, Mark and I straighten up the toys and art supplies that have been left out after the girls have played all day. By the time I get up in the morning, there are scraps of paper, crayons, and new projects that have already been created by 8AM. The moment she sees me she invites me to join her. My eyes are barely open and my child is at full speed. When she is actually still, due to being strapped in a car seat or stroller, she is making lists of things she wants to do. (Going to the pool is ALWAYS included on this list:) Very recently her interests have included learning to tie "bunny knots" (her shoes) and learning to read.

Here is a list of some of her recent interests and things she wants to make:

*ornaments for her new x-mas tree including a bow for the top as the "star"
*wanted to make ballerina shoes out of paper...settled for tying ribbon through holes in crocs and criss-crossing them around her ankles.
*wants to know if we can learn to spell lots of new words tomorrow like "wall, window, and light bulb"
*many many different creations made with construction paper, glue, crayons, markers, ribbon, and tape
*made bat wings from black fabric
*wanted to make a crib from paper until she realized that she would not be able to put a baby doll in it
*many items from popsicle sticks
*maracas from paper plates and dry beans
*wanted to bake cookies or brownies
*wants to make a tree
*numerous drawings featuring people, houses, and suns
*wants to make a car and race track in the den
*wants to read books
*wants to learn about mushrooms
*wants to learn about bugs
*wants to learn about bats
*wants to take swimming lessons
*wants to take karate lessons
*wants to take horse riding lessons
*made "tutus" for her construction paper art project
*interested in helping Aunt Margaret with the boat/driving the boat/and learning about the boat in general

Another "Daily Groove"

:: BE the Change ::

The following question is paraphrased from an email
I received...

My 5-year-old daughter invited a friend to
her birthday party, but the friend was still
upset about an earlier conflict between them
and said, "I don't want to go to your
birthday party!" My daughter was clearly
hurt by this rejection. How can I honor my
daughter's feelings without invalidating the
other girl's feelings?

Firstly, if you believe your daughter was hurt *by*
the rejection, you're giving power to the other
child's behavior, and you can't help either one of
them feel authentically empowered from that
perspective. So I would begin by reaching for
empowering thoughts like "That behavior has no power
of its own... We are all empowered from Within...
External conditions have no power over us; it's our
thoughts *about* conditions/behaviors that determine
how we feel... No one can stop me from thinking a
more empowering thought..." etc.

Once you feel centered in your own Power, you can
begin to see things more clearly. For example, you
might realize that your daughter's friend is simply
trying to reconnect with her personal power using
the only tools she can think of (i.e., the
"dominator" tactics modeled by our culture). In
other words, she doesn't want to hurt your daughter,
she wants to feel powerful and doesn't know how else
to connect with that feeling. Likewise, your
daughter wants to make the same connection and, for
the moment, believes that the rejection is causing
the disconnection.

So they both want the same thing, and now the
question is how can you best help them get it? As I
said above, it doesn't help to *join* them in their
disempowering thoughts (often called "empathy" or
"validation"), but neither does it help to resist
their disempowering beliefs and tell them nothing is
wrong (i.e., invalidating).

A third way is available, and it's much more
*subtle*. The part of you that wants to "DO
something about it" will not be satisfied by this
approach! Most of the "action" will take place on
the *inside*, so it may seem like you're hardly
doing anything at all.

The essence of this inner action is... making peace
with What Is.. being able to look beneath the
surface of their behavior/perceptions and *know*
that All Is Well, in spite of appearances.

Another way to describe it is "seeing the Light at
the end of the tunnel." Instead of seeing a problem,
you see the solution unfolding -- you *expect* them
each to find their way and connect with their
Center. They can *feel* that expectation, and that
feeling is all they need to begin reconnecting.

This whole approach is encapsulated in Gandhi's
famous advice to "BE the change" you want to see.
If you want your child and her friend to KNOW their
inherent powerfulness, regardless of anyone else's
opinions or choices, you've got to KNOW YOUR OWN and
then interact with them from that place of knowing.

Getting to that place of knowing is the inner work
of parenting -- and if you ask me, it's the most
important work you'll ever do as a parent. :-)

http://dailygroove.net/be-the-change

Feel free to forward this message to your friends!
(Please include this paragraph.)
Copyright (c) 2007 by Scott Noelle

"Inspiration & Coaching for Progressive Parents"
http://www.ScottNoelle.com
http://www.EnjoyParenting.com

Sprinkler in the morning

Today was filled with activity! I am not sure we sat down for longer than 10 minutes all day. As soon as we got up this morning, we were out the door for my run. Once we get into the neighborhood on the way back home, the girls get out of the stroller and walk. With the sun making its way over the trees, Audrey discovered her shadow for the first time and didn't exactly like it. It freaked her out quite a bit that she couldn't get away from it and even asked me to pick her up. When we got home, Morgan ran through the sprinkler making those wonderfully delightful noises children make when they are absolutely lost in the joy of the moment. Though Audrey wasn't keen on the idea of running after her (she doesn't like the feel of wet grass on her feet), she ran around on the driveway and on the dry grass mimicking Morgan's sounds. When it was time to turn off the sprinkler due to the water ban, we made our way inside to get ready to meet Aunt Diane and Aunt Margaret for lunch.

Morgan chose La Parilla for lunch and we met at Towne Lake. Audrey slept through the first half of the meal, but woke in time to enjoy some rice and beans. "Num Num." Audrey went to Diane and Margaret's to play while Morgan, Mark, and I went bowling. Morgan had never been before and it has been a very long time since Mark and I have gone. During the very first game, Morgan wanted to know how long we were going to stay and what time we were going to leave. Mark said he knew immediately what her reasons were for this line of questioning. When I asked her why she was wondering, she said, "Audrey is waiting for us to come and get her." It never ceases to amaze me at just how much she loves being with her sister. She does not like being away from her long and Audrey is not far from her thoughts when she is not around.

The lightest ball they had at the bowling alley was 6 lbs! They equipped each lane with bumpers, but didn't provide any balls that were comfortable for someone as young as Morgan to play with. That sucked, but I did enjoy watching how determined she was to carry that heavy thing and heave it down the lane. She was quite good and scored over 100 on a couple of games. I can't say Mark and I played as well as she did.

After spending some time with the Aunties and picking up Audrey, we stopped by Wal-Mart and let Mark run in for a couple of items. I still can' t believe we did that because the air conditioning in the car doesn't work for crap and we don't use it. So the girls and I sat in the car (mainly b/c Audrey was asleep) and waited for Mark to return. We were ok for a few minutes and then I started to feel like I was going to have a panic attack due to the heat. Neither of the girls complained even once, but I felt like I was going to lose it. I drove around the parking lot a couple of times to get the air moving until Mark walked out. The heat in this area right now is enough to make you lose your mind! None of us could wait to get home and go to the pool.

We ate a quick dinner and then cooled off in the pool for an hour before bed. I was chatting with Mark about this blog and this woman I see at there often overheard us. I am terrible with names and don't remember hers to save my life. I have written about her on here before though. She was the mom who played "monster" on the day Morgan truly swam for the first time. I love when she is at the pool because she has such a calm and loving presence to her. She is one of the few people who I run into on a regular basis that talks to children like people. She helps them work out there differences and truly treats them with respect instead of constantly barking "If you don't do this, that, or the other thing, you are going to sit out." Anyway...she overheard our conversation and expressed interest in reading my blog. I thought that was too great! When I started this blog, I never expected to like writing on it as much as I do. I hope people who read it like it as well and feel free to write comments whenever they want.

So...at the end of this tiring day, I am now going to join my family and go to sleep. Good Night.

Hanging out

Morgan and I went to Perimeter Mall to meet up with Stephanie and Hannah for lunch. I got my beloved Hovan veggie wrap and Morgan got a slice of cheese pizza (she has been craving pizza a lot lately). The girls had fun running (literally) through the mall at top speed. They stopped in The Limited Too where I was worried I was not going to get Morgan out of very easily. As I watched Morgan put together outfits, I wondered why I had never thought to take her on a date to try clothes on before. She LOVED it. Of course she wanted to buy something, but was fine with just trying things on. The girls played in an indoor fountain for a bit before Hannah and Stephanie took off. Morgan and I then bought one of those cookies from the cookie store that is actually 2 cookies with icing oozing out from between them. We ate it outside in the 100 degree heat. We were actually sitting on a fountain under some shade and had a blast. Morgan ran through the fountain a few times and got completely drenched. As we walked to the car, we went around the revolving door that is the entrance to Maggiano's. She was so excited that I had remembered because we went around it when we got there and thought it would be fun to do as we left. She had gotten quite sidetracked due to running through the fountain and the revolving door had been forgotten. I absolutely loved watching her do these things that adults find ridiculous, mundane, and little enjoyment in because to her they were the most wonderfully exciting thing she could possibly be doing in those moments. It was wonderful!

Audrey got some much needed time with Daddy today. When Mark works for several days in a row and doesn't get to spend much time with Audrey, she tends to get very upset. At night, for instance, when the girls are settling down to go to sleep, Audrey continues to climb off the bed in search of her "DaDa." Usually he is spending some time alone while I lay with the girls. Morgan falls asleep rather quickly once she is through processing her day and closes her eyes. Audrey nurses a few minutes and then attempts to make herself comfortable (which can take awhile.) You can see her look around and it's like, "Hey where's Dada? I'm going to find him." Its precious really. Today she and Mark hung out while Morgan and I went on a date. We all went swimming tonight and Mark laid down next to Audrey as she feel asleep tonight. It didn't take long before she was out.

Off to sleep

I have said that Morgan doesn't like to talk about her feelings. I realize now that I was mistaken. It isn't that she doesn't like to talk about her feelings and/or thoughts, it is that she prefers to discuss such things right before going to sleep. I am often in a hurry for her to be quiet and go to sleep so I can have some time to myself. My insistence on silence has effectively shut her up and shut me out. I doubt I even truly "save" more time for myself anyway. It takes quite awhile before my begging and pleading for her to "shhhh" works. If I could just "shhhh," my daughter could actually go off to sleep feeling and knowing I value her.

This is actually a perfect example of something I have been talking about lately with a friend of mine. The importance of my intention pales in comparison to the importance of how my daughter interprets my actions. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I value, love, and respect my child. I know that how she looks and feels about her world is something I want to know about. Morgan only seems to want to tell me about her world before sleep and I have continuously asked her to be quiet when she has tried to talk at that time. Given that this is true it makes sense to me that Morgan could understand from my actions that I don't value her or what she has to say.....In fact... I am certain she feels I don't value what she has to say because she has been telling me that for some time now. (I had not thought of this when I started writing this entry.) Morgan has been saying, "You hate me," at nighttime. Until now, I never realized exactly why she was saying it. I'm not even sure what I thought her reason for saying it was other than that my tone of voice was not very pleasant. But now, I have a reason I think makes more sense. During the times she was actually sharing herself with me, I was telling her to "be quiet." For her, this translated literally into, "You hate me." Wow. How sad. What a terrible feeling for Morgan to have to go to sleep with. I can't even begin to tell her how sorry I am. At least I am aware of it now and have the chance to make different choices about how I act when 7:00 PM rolls around tomorrow.

Swimming and Jumping

We have been having a ball the last few days. We went to playgroup on Friday and Morgan got to play with her friends. Audrey especially like the "cooking" toys that were at the family's home. She was content playing solo and was off on her own exploring most of the time.

We went to the pool yesterday and Morgan continued to jump off the side and has now added jumping into the water backwards in both the shallow and "the deep" Audrey decided it all looked pretty fun and jumped off the side forward and backward into my arms. She also REALLY wanted to jump into the deep end and climb up the ladder. I did my best to facilitate this. She jumped into the pool and went all the way under as I held her hands from the side. I let go of one hand as she kicked and pulled with the other to the ladder. She has no fear near the water anyway and her desire to "swim" as much as she is able increases as she watches Morgan's love of swimming.

Morgan and I were able to go to the pool today by ourselves while Audrey took a nap. And today she did it! She jumped off the diving board and swam to the ladder with no problem. She was totally excited. The first time she jumped off the board, she exclaimed, "I did it!" the second her head broke the surface. I felt so lucky to be able to witness her overcome her last fear of the water. Now she knows she is able to swim all over the pool. Even the times where she gets choked or can't get to the wall as quickly as she would like, she doesn't panic. That really amazes me. It allows me to feel safer knowing that she trusts and listens to her body. When she has had fear, she has taken her time and waited until she was ready before trying something new in the water. Having conquered this last fear of the diving board has opened up a whole new world for Morgan. I smiled from the inside out as she ran from the pool side to the car in a mad dash to tell her daddy that she jumped from the board.

They love each other!