My two year actually said...

I was washing my face this morning when Audrey entered and said, "May I please use the restroom because I need to go potty."

Out of the mouth of babes...

This guy, Charles Durning, was in the movie Home for the Holidays. Morgan was cuddled up with my mom when it was on. When this dude came on camera Morgan said, "He looks like John McCain sort of."

Wrong side of the bed!

My poor Audrey woke up hating the world yesterday. Almost each and every event, small or large, set her off. Voices were too loud, Mema couldn't come over from RI for a "date," commercials interrupted her show, she accidentally peed on her favorite outfit of the week, Morgan looked at her, the boy at the park walked on the bridge after her, she couldn't find her shoes, and the list goes on...There were screams and tears at every turn. People assumed their children were being bullies at the park when they were only waiting patiently, silently behind Audrey to go down the slide. The very presence of the child behind her sent her into a fit with hands pushing and demands for the child to move. These days are so very difficult for her. And so difficult for the rest of us. I feel for her and wish more than I can express that I could do more to help ease her discomfort with life on these days. I woke up with hope this morning that her mood had passed and peace would overcome her small body. No such luck. My hope was shattered immediately upon awaking. Frustration and irritation and the very very loud screaming broke the silence of the early morning house. Audrey is awake and having another "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day." Poor baby.

Hi Mema! Hi Pepa!

Mita's new baby

Years ago, I lived next door to one of the most wonderful women on this planet. She and I became close friends as Morgan and her son, Shayem, grew. Eventually I moved away and our lives got busy. We hardly spoke, but we went trick-or-treating each Halloween. This Halloween came and went and Morgan chose to see different friends this year. I thought of my friend, but did not make a call. I hadn't seen her since the October prior and though Halloween passed without us talking, she was still on my mind. Last night, when my phone rang, I was absolutely delighted to hear my dear friend's voice on the line. She said she had a surprise for me, but that I had to come over to see it. Our conversation continued and I asked the normal questions you ask when catching up...how are you, how is the family, do you still want another baby...you know. Well, the way she answered some of the questions led me to believe that she was, in fact, huge and pregnant and that is what I was going to find when I saw her. Just as that came out of my mouth, I heard the little noise. The tiny cry of a newborn came through the phone and I almost dropped it. "You had a baby!" I screamed. I could hardly wait to visit today to see the new bundle of joy. My friend Mita gave birth to an adorable little girl right before Halloween. My girls loved seeing and holding her. Morgan enjoyed seeing her old friend, Shayem, and Audrey had a blast with him. I delighted in Mita's company and melted while cuddling the new addition to her family. The little girl's name is Isha.

Tree Pose

Audrey asked me to take this picture of her doing some yoga. I have never seen a more beautiful tree pose in my life!

Ninjas

Look at the 2 ninjas that snuck into my house!

Audrey does a little dance

Happy Halloween:)

Crazy Hair Day at School!

The Road To Grandmom's Updated

Dolls

Both of my girls have a never ending love and desire for baby dolls. Every so often, Morgan will become fixated on the idea of obtaining a new loved one. Now, it seems to me and every other adult looking at the situation that the girls have a million baby dolls. Why would they need another? Well, of course, the answer is simply that they do not need a new baby at all. They want a new baby. "But you already have plenty of babies," is a line Mark and I have delivered on more occasions than I could count. Most of the time my grown up, money conscious, rational, conserving mind puts its foot down and new babies stay packaged neatly on their shelves in this or that store. However, if there is anything at all that would have me spin 180 in order to fully put myself in my daughters' shoes, it would be the yarn haired, freckled faced 25th anniversary Cabbage Patch Doll that was sitting on the shelf at Target. Her eyes beckoned and I could just smell that comforting aroma of a new Cabbage Patch Baby as the box is first opened. My arms actually longed to hold the little thing and I had to summon the rational mind I just mentioned so I did not grab the doll and run to the check out. It seems that the dolls from 1983 are making a reappearance on the shelves and just seeing them awakened that yearning for a new baby doll that may not be rational, but is very very real. At 31 years old, I want one of those dolls like I did when I was 5. I absolutely do not need one and you will not see me crossing the check out with one in my cart. But I understand with my entire being what my brain can't explain about why my children want new dolls.
http://i.ivillage.com/PP/toys/toy_fair_sneek/CabbageDoll_325.jpg

Morgan's Halloween Party

Morgan planned and executed a party last weekend. She actually wanted to have a party last fall and it never happened. So, when she mentioned it weekend before last, I said, "let's do it." I have to admit, I suck at planning parties. Parties and crowds are not my thing. However, they are very much Morgan's thing. She has loved parties as long as I can remember and she loves to plan them. Hell, she even plans them when we aren't really going to have one. She made her lists of guests to invite, handmade invitations, and we delivered them to her friend's mailboxes. She chose cupcakes as the main treat, complete with Halloween decorations. We took a trip to Michael's and she picked out several crafts for her friend's to do with her. We decided together that meeting at the park would be the best option and so everyone was invited to arrive at 1:30PM. Morgan was THRILLED. She counted down the days on her calendar and talked about her upcoming party with everyone she knew. She informed her teacher at school that the Jonas Brothers were coming to her party on Saturday. I believe that one of her friends told her that they had met the Jonas Brothers and that you could look up their phone number on the web. I sat with her at the computer as she told me what I was to search for in order to find the desired number. After "Jonas Brother's phone number" and "famous people's phone number" did not give us what we were after, she let it go. So, the Brothers did not show to her fabulous get together, but the friends and family that came seemed to have a great time. The JB missed out:)

Only from Audrey's mouth

Audrey: "Where is it?" (looking for a specific toy this afternoon)
Me: "I do not have a clue."
Audrey: "Let's find a clue."

____________

Mark raised his voice to Morgan when she was about to stick a credit card into the disc drive of the computer.
Audrey: (very seriously) "Lower your mouth and talk nicely to my sister."

Audrey on the lake

Birthday Bash 2008 pics

The "Rockstar Face"

Audrey named this face while we were on vacation at her meema and peepa's house. This is the "rockstar face." I have wanted a picture of it ever since she first made it. I could never get a picture of it until today. When I was taking pictures of Morgan's new earrings, Audrey decided she wanted hers taken as well. She immediately said, "Rockstar Face!" So now I have it and can see it whenever I wish:)

Morgan Got Her Ear's Pierced

As confident as usual, Morgan announced that she wanted her ear's pierced and that was that. Explaining that it was going to hurt did nothing to dissuade her. She was ready. We went to Piercing Pagoda at the mall and she chose a cute pair of gold turtle earrings. She sat in the chair and waited for what, I am sure, felt to her like 3 hours for us to decide the perfect place for the marks to be placed on her little earlobes. Finally, she was ready. I could see her body tense and panic fill her little self. I told her to close her eyes and breathe with me. She started to breathe in and out very slowly and her body began to relax. The first one was done without so much as a flinch. I talked her through the second one and a big smile came to her face as she looked in the mirror at her newly pierced ears. We cleaned and turned them tonight and she went to bed proud of her new look.

Breathe to relax

There are so many times when I tell Morgan something and have no idea whether she heard me. Sometimes I don't know if she fully understood what I said and sometimes I actually don't know if she was even listening. Ever since she has started school, I find that I am wondering about the former much more than the latter. We have such deep conversations at night that sometimes blow me away. Every night since school began, she seems to be on the verge of bursting with ideas, information, and questions when we lay down at night. She waits for the answers and even seems eager to hear stuff that she would have previously not seemed to give a crap about.
Two nights ago we were having our bedtime discussion and for some reason I don't remember, I began talking about breathing. I pointed out that she could help her body feel better in many situations. I asked her if she had ever felt her heart racing because she was scared, nervous, or mad. She said," yes," and I told her how she could slow her heart down and make her body feel better whenever that happened. We talked about breathing in and out through your nose and how that slows the heart rate and helps the body to calm. We talked about how breathing through your mouth does just the opposite and triggers the body's "flight or fight response." I told her that just focusing on your breath alone helps to calm you and helps you to remember and feel how perfect you are. We practiced breathing for awhile and watched our bellies rise and chests expand as air filled our bodies and watched how they fell as air left. She was ready for me to do the "relaxing thing" when we were finished with that. (Each night I begin with her toes and talk her through each body part thanking each part for what it did that day and feeling it get heavy before it falls asleep. This process = "the relaxing thing.") She fell asleep and I held her as I thought about how amazing she is.
Last night, Morgan brought up our previous discussion on her own. She let me know that she had tried the "breathing thing." She said her heart was beating fast when she was running and so she started breathing through her nose to help her heart slow down. She said she actually tried it when she was running and it worked. (Interestingly, I have gone running twice in the last several days and have purposely breathed through my nose the entire way and have found that it definitely does make a big difference.) I marveled at the fact that she was making this knowledge her own at the age of 5. Our conversation ended with the "relaxing thing" and she fell asleep as I thought about how amazing she is.

She chooses school

I was barely aware of the fact that school started on Aug. 11 and the day came and went without a thought about it. We woke up and went about our day as usual. In fact, the next couple of days went about the same. On Wed., mom was going to take the girls to see her father and called me mid morning to discuss what time we were going to meet. During the conversation she happened to mention that Morgan had informed her that she WAS going to school and that she was going to go "the day after tomorrow." Now, this was coming a bit out of left field. Mark and I wanted very much to homeschool her and the last conversation I had had with Morgan about it, we were all in the same boat. Apparently, somewhere along the way, she jumped ship. I immediately got off the phone with my mom in search of Morgan.
I told her what Nina had said and asked what she was thinking about school. She said very concretely, "I REALLY want to go to school." We talked about her reasons...wanting to be with other kids all day, wanting to ride the bus, wanting to learn to read, etc. She had her reasons. She was determined and absolutely unwavering in her decision. The look on her face sent me to the shower to get ready to pay the school a visit.
My dear cousin, Rory (bless her), immediately came over to stay with Audrey while we were out. My heart thumped loud enough that I swore Morgan could hear it in the back seat. My stomach turned and I did my best to smile as we walked through those front doors to sign in with the woman at the table. She greeted us with a smile and spoke to Morgan with a voice that suggested she was an toddler. I tried my best to get past that and explained our situation. A folder of paper work was handed to me to fill out with the explanation that she could start the day after we completed it. Morgan reached for my hand as we got ready to take a tour with the woman that didn't quite understand that Morgan was not a baby. We looked in the classrooms...PE, science lab, Spanish, media center, and finally the kindergarten hall. We followed a class down the hall for Morgan to see how that would go. At one point, our tour guide pointed out the playground and informed me they got to go outside everyday! For 20 minutes! My unenthusiastic, "oh" must have clearly stated that I didn't feel this was as fabulous as she did. She said, "Is that going to be a problem for her?" I said, "Well it is a problem for me." They are 5 years old, they need to run and jump and PLAY. I was informed that the school was very hands on and they definitely didn't sit all day, but got up and moved around a lot. Her car salesmanlike tour left me with a sour taste in my mouth, but lit a fire under Morgan like I have never seen. It was like Christmas morning. The excitement on her face and joy that was oozing from her body was impossible to miss. She begged for me to fill out the paperwork and was ready to start immediately.
After talking to Mark (another story entirely), I began the necessary steps to enroll our oldest child in Kindergarten. We gave the school another visit, turned in the paperwork, met the principal, was assigned a teacher, and was ready to begin class on Friday. I read the 5 pages of school rules to her so that she knew somewhat what to expect in terms of the loss of freedom she was about to experience. After each rule, she said, "I won't do that." At the end of the rules there was a list of consequences and I could see the first sign of concern cross her face. I explained what a time out was and talked a little about how these things listed were not like anything that we do at home. I hope to the bottom of my heart that I was clear and that she understood that Mark and I will never be angry about what happens at school. I told her that she may run into problems sometime with a teacher or maybe another student. I told her that in that case we will do what we have done with her since she was a baby...try and figure out what happened, what she was feeling, and how best to manage the situation. I almost begged her not to ever feel scared of having the school call her parents. I explained grades and how they may mark things right/wrong on her work and how I don't care about that either. I want her to enjoy learning. To love learning. And to learn. Learning is something that happens without being taught. Sometimes you get things right; sometimes you get things wrong. That doesn't say anything about what you know...Ok, I am getting off track a bit...Whatever I said seemed to wipe the concern from her eyes, and the excitement returned. She was starting school the next day.
5:30 Friday morning. "Can I go to school now?" She was ready. There was no talking her into letting me drive her. She was taking the bus. She never even asked about how she would know where to go or what to do. The bus doors opened and she got on without looking back. She was going to school. She was in charge of herself and in charge of her learning. As my heart sank, it soared. As my fears threaten to tear me down, the belief in my daughter is what keeps me going. I realize that no matter what my fears are, they are just that, mine. I will hold my stuff as my own and let her go. The truth she lives will be hers.

audrey's words

Audrey was eating a carrot and started crying. I did not see what happened and when I asked her she said, "my mouth choked me."
Audrey started using the word "remember" today.
Audrey also used the word "without" for the first time this morning.

Morgan's song

"All My Life"

You love me
You know everything
'cept for me
I open the door
I say hello
You know, I close the door
and I'm leaving today

Magic and lies

Today I did a magic trick for Morgan. I put a poker chip in my mouth, "ate" it, and pulled it from behind her ear. The look on her face was worth more than I can explain. It WAS magic. She begged me to do it over and over and over. She was looking me right in the face and didn't notice that I took the chip out each time and hid it in my hand. She wanted to know the secret and I told her that I would tell her as soon as we showed daddy. (I couldn't tell her without him seeing the face she made.) As Mark watched, she figured it out and held my hands down and told me to do the trick. When she fully realized it was not real, she began crying. Tears welled in her eyes and my heart sank. As we lay in bed, I asked her why she had cried after finding out the secret. She said, "You lied to me all day. Please tell me truth." She started to tear up again as she said that. We talked about how magic isn't real and she concluded that magicians are liars. We made an agreement to be as honest as possible with each other even when it is really hard. We both told each other some things we had been less than honest about. I apologized for my untruths and a few moments later she said, "I forgive you mom." I learned a lot about my daughter today and felt extremely close to her. She is absolutely amazing

Laughter is beauty

A few nights ago the girls were having an wonderful time with each other as we lie in bed before sleep. Morgan was being silly and Audrey thought it was very funny. She was laughing that laugh that comes from deep inside. The laugh you hear your children produce that makes you stop and think, "this is why I am alive." It is by far one of the best sounds I have ever heard in my lifetime. I was enjoying the wonderful feelings rushing through my body as my smallest child rolled with laughter when Morgan said, "I love it when Audrey laughs. It gives me beauty."...I couldn't have said it better myself.

Cleaning the tub

While reflecting on the growth of my oldest child, I am struck by the simple fact that children are always doing the absolute very best they are capable to doing. This is a not to commonly held belief of main stream parents. I remember thinking it was was particularly insightful the first time I read it. It immediately resonated with me as an idea. However, as I see the natural changes in my eldest daughter, I am blown away by the simple concept. It actually saddens me to think of how often we expect children to be able to do something that is beyond their capabilities. As ridiculous as it sounds, they just can't do something until they can. One example was brought to my attention this evening. My children enjoyed a long and entertaining bath together until Audrey decided she had been splashed enough and wanted to exit the tub. I dried her off as she checked out her reflection in the mirror. I finished dressing her and turned to help her sister get out as well. I helped Morgan into her pjs and brushed her hair. I turned my back to her to begin cleaning up the toys that I assumed were still strew all over the tub and almost fell over. The bathtub was spotless. Morgan had already stored all of the toys away in the basket and placed it on the side. As I stood staring down at the white porcelain and thanking her for cleaning up, she had already picked up all of the dirty clothes and diaper that had been in a pile behind me. At that moment, I realized that she had never been able to do this before tonight. These simple acts of cleaning up after yourself require more than the ability to lean down and pick something up. They also require a certain amount of foresight, understanding, and cognitive ability. As I notice this change in my daughter, I am reminded to be patient and gentle as I watch my children grow. If I can slow myself and expectations, I will give them the gift of time to allow themselves to unfold into the beautiful beings they are.

Snow to sleep

It actually snowed yesterday. It was absolutely beautiful and felt very surreal. Amy was home and Morgan spent most of the day playing outside with her, Chris, and Karen. Audrey hung out with Mark and me and asked many times where Morgan was. When she returned, both girls took a shower together and played with their toys. They dried off next to the fire before a quick dinner of Chinese food.
Lately we have been listening to some guided meditations for children before sleep. They always relax Morgan and put her right to sleep. As soon as they are over, Audrey stops nursing and tells Morgan to hold her. They snuggle and drift off. Their closeness warms me and is something I hope lasts a very long time.

still here:)

My little family is still here. Growing, learning, and loving life. We went away to RI for the holidays and stayed with Mark's family for 10 days. The girls were in heaven playing from the moment they awoke until they went up to bed. Mark and I enjoyed visiting with everyone and I spent the trip truly relaxing and being a bit introspective.
My father and step mother came for a visit and we spent the weekend with them the day after we returned. My aunts, sister, and BIL were, of course, there as well. It was unexpectedly calm considering the girls were absolutely exhausted.

Our life is just now getting back to a normal schedule. Though we had a great time, I am glad to be back to our everday life. My girls are happy and peaceful right now. Morgan and I have an ongoing game of Monopoly currently on hold until we can grab some more moments alone. It was her idea to get the game out and I held in any comments about the game being for "older" people. I am so glad that I did because she loves it. We have a blast buying up property and she loves to put hotels up! Her beautiful caring personality shines through as she plays and offers me money or tells me to keep the rent I owe when I land on her property. I see her changing and growing up every day. Right before we started playing the game today I mentioned that I was tired. Immediately she said, "We don't have to play if you don't want to." She has also really started to ask if I need any help at different moments throughout the day. She is a joy to be around and I can't wait to spend more time with her tomorrow.
I think Audrey is finally catching up on some sleep. Her mood was much better today than it has been the past few days. She got to enjoy swinging at the park today and yesterday. She and Morgan spend most of their time playing together no matter where we are. If Morgan goes out, Audrey asks about her whereabouts continually. She adores her Morgan. Morgan comforts her and takes care of her and neither one likes to be away from each other for very long.