Halloween

The girls were superheroes for Halloween. We went trick-or-treating in our old neighborhood. We got to see one of my best friends and many of Morgan's old friends. She hadn't seen any of them in a long time and was ecstatic. She lost interest in getting candy as soon as she saw them. She only wanted to be with her pals and would have gladly gone home to play if that is what they wanted to do. They stuck with the door to door for a little while and then went inside to eat and play.
Audrey got the hang of trick or treating fairly soon after we started. She was so precious walking up to the door without a care if I was there or not. I would ring the bell and she would stand and wait with her bag out. Her favorite part was getting some M&M's.

Taking Children Seriously

THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle
www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove

:: Taking Children Seriously ::

We live in a society that doesn't take children
seriously. Sure, we care deeply about children's
welfare; we do our best to help them to grow into
healthy, successful adults.

But we, as a society, rarely take children seriously
the way they take *themselves* seriously.

To children, *play* is serious business -- channeling
enormous creative energies and making huge
discoveries. But to adult society, it's "just" play,
so interrupting or limiting it is not a big deal.

To children, *feelings* are extremely important,
not "just" feelings.

If you want to take your child more seriously, don't
do it the conventional adult way, which is to assign
*weight* to the child's concerns. That only teaches
heaviness.

Children take *lightness* seriously. And when you take
their lightness seriously, *you* benefit by learning
to take yourself *less* seriously! :-)

http://dailygroove.net/seriously

Daddy is home

Between school and work, Mark's "free time" is limited. Sometimes the girls go almost 2 days without seeing their Daddy. Both of them have figured out ways to have time with him. Morgan's method involves rising at 5 AM just to steal 5 precious moments with Mark before he is out the door. If she hears his footsteps as he walks across the floor upstairs, she is up! She also makes sure she gets dates with him to the library, movies, or Target on his days off.
Precious Audrey has come up with her own way to be near her dad. On the nights he is home before she goes to sleep, Mark must lay down with her in the bed in order for her to fall asleep. If he is not there, she gets out of bed and cries and screams for him at the bottom of the stairs. Once she finally falls aleep, she insists on going upstairs to sleep on the couch. She is usually not able to stay awake, but rather falls asleep instantly on the couch. It really seems like she just needs him near her in order to feel comfortable enough to sleep.
Though I sometimes just wish they would sleep soundly and let me have some time...There isn't much that makes me happier than knowing how much my daughters love their dad. I often tell them that I looked a long time for the perfect person to have them with and that there is no one better. I believe that with all my heart and I am reminded of how true it is each day.

"What time is it?"

At some point yesterday I said out loud, "What time is it?" Audrey looked up at me, moved her wrist back and forth, and said "watch."

Daily Groove

THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle
www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove

:: Why Kids Lie ::

PARENT: "Did you eat the banana that
I *told* you was for later?"

TODDLER: (with banana residue on face
and peel in hand) "No."

If children are innately good-natured, why do they
tell lies?

They lie *because* they're good-natured... and they're
doing their best to navigate the treacherous waters of
a "de-natured" culture.

The toddler is being good-natured when she honors her
hunger. It's not in her nature to believe in scarcity,
nor to override her Inner Guidance with arbitrary
limitations.

She's being good-natured when she meets her parent's
*expectation* of wanting the forbidden fruit.

She's being good-natured when she gives the answer
she believes the parent wants to hear. It's not in her
nature to invite disapproval and disconnection.

In other words, we inadvertently teach our kids to lie
when we participate in the Big Lie of our culture:
conditionality.

Next time your child lies to you, take it as a cue to
brush up on the Art of Unconditionality... and
appreciate your child's good nature. :-)

* See also: http://dailygroove.net/big-lie

Permalink: http://dailygroove.net/why-kids-lie

Feel free to forward this message to your friends!
(Please include this paragraph and everything above.)
Copyright (c) 2007 by Scott Noelle

Email

This morning Audrey went into the office and was moving the mouse around on the table when I walked in. I asked her what she was doing and she said, "email."

Sisters

It is absolutely fascinating to watch and listen to my children when one of Morgan's friends comes to play. Audrey seems to be nothing short of an irritant to the little girl. Not just in the moments when Audrey is interrupting a card game or messing with the hypothetical castle being built does her presence get under the child's skin. This, in and of itself, is not what I find so interesting. Morgan's response to Audrey in these moments is what touches my heart. Morgan automatically steps in to explain Audrey's curiosity and behavior to her friend. She then gently guides her sister through the moment, helping her with a patience and kindness that fills me with joy. There are times when Morgan, understandably, wants some space to play alone with her friend. It is those moments she usually asks me to step in and take Audrey to do something else or suggests playing in a different room. I guess what truly strikes me is how seldom Morgan is frustrated or annoyed with her little sister. The relationship my children have is a beautiful thing and I feel privileged to be able to watch it grow.

North GA Fair

Our annual visit to the North Georgia Fair was a lot of fun again this year. Diane, Margaret, Meridith, Audrey, Morgan, Mark, and I went on September 29 to experience what the fair had to offer. Breaking with tradition, there were no huge turkey legs devoured. Instead there were corn dogs, hot dogs, french fries, and lemonade. Morgan and I rode the first ride together and it scared the shit out of me. Now, on my own I usually love carnival rides and roller coasters. But, put my precious daughter next to me and it is absolutely terrifying. Of course, the whole time Morgan was shouting, "I love this. This is awesome!" The entire time I was focused on trying to practically sit on top of her tiny body to help quiet the fear that she was going to be thrown from the ride. I could also see the ferris wheel next to the ride we were on and remembered all to well the terror that ride induced last year. The moment we got off our twirling spinning death trap I rushed to find another person to spare me the pain of having to ride the ferris wheel again this time. Meridith took the bait and was off to stand in line with her much eager niece at her side.
Diane, Margaret, and I took Audrey to ride the tame merry go round while Morgan enjoyed looking over the fair from up in the sky. Audrey seemed to enjoy herself despite how tired she was and fell asleep shortly after. Morgan enjoyed several more rides but was mostly interested in the games you can play. You know the ones "$2 for one ball, $5 for 3. Every child is a winner." Morgan couldn't seem to get enough. She won several stuffed animals including an Elmo for her little sister. Audrey even got to play the basketball game and the man picked her up and let her throw the ball into the net.
We ended up staying for about 4 hours and saw most everything there. On the way out, Morgan wanted to ride one more ride and Audrey went with her. Audrey seemed a bit scared right up until she saw that she was going to sit next to her sister. She instantly relaxed as she was placed in the seat with Morgan and the two of them enjoyed their last ride of the year.

Climbing Kennesaw Mtn.

We decided on Saturday that it would be fun to climb Kennesaw Mountain with the girls. Though I grew up here, that is something I had never done. Had I known just how tiring it would be, I would have chosen not to go on a bike ride for an hour and a half just prior to leaving. Before we left, I made sure to pack several bottles of water and some snacks. We got a picnic lunch and ate it at the beginning of our climb. Mark was taking pictures and we were all in good spirits. Audrey walked a little bit and then she climbed right on my back to ride in the "ing" (sling). The climb was far from easy to do and Morgan asked to sit down every 10 minutes or so. We rested often and each time I had a harder time getting the thought out of mind that Morgan would never want to do this again. We sat for a while when we reached the top and I knew at that moment we had over done it. We needed to be at the car that moment driving home. However, we were only half way finished and extremely exhausted. Morgan completely lost herself on the way down. She could hardly hold it together and tears poured down her face. As she cried, I told her how tired I was and how badly I wished we were in the car already. I told her that I wished I could just lay down and take a nap and that I was pretty sure she felt the same way. Since there was no way to get to the car except to keep walking, I asked Morgan to sing and skip with me. She thought I was nuts but I thought it was something more positive to do than dwell on how miserably tired we were. Morgan really did try and we skipped a little and sang a little and her mood improved for the moment. When we could finally see cars, I wanted to jump up and down. We were almost there when I slipped on some rocks and fell to the ground with Audrey strapped to my back. Though we were not injured, I was most definitely not fine. I don't think I could have gotten up if I had wanted to. I sat on the ground for a bit and realized how truly exhausted I was. I am honestly not sure I have ever felt like that in my entire life. I have to say it wasn't pleasant. But we had made it! The camera's batteries died about 20 minutes into our hike and unfortunately we don't have pictures of the following 2 hours and 40 minutes that it took to finish our adventure. I can't be positive, but I don't think Morgan will be jumping at a chance to go hiking any time soon.

Blurb about our day

Today turned out to be pretty great. We stayed home all day and Morgan didn't even ask, "what are we doing today?" once. Usually she wants to go somewhere. Today we were all content to stay home. We made cookies and dinner in the morning and Morgan and I both ran on the treadmill while Audrey took a nap. Morgan chose to watch a little TV, but mostly we had on music throughout our day. We went outside this afternoon and even played in a short and very light rain. Morgan made an obstacle course and ran it several times. Audrey followed Morgan's every move. Audrey insisted on wearing a helmet when Morgan put hers on. With Morgan on her bike and Audrey standing motionless on the scooter while wearing a hat, they were a sight. I was too lazy to come in for the camera. Audrey decided to take a rest on the garage floor and Morgan continued to play. She pretended she was fixing and making things with items she found on Rick's tool bench. She had a blast. After dinner we all played playdough before getting ready for bed. Audrey and I fell asleep before Morgan, but Morgan woke me up with questions she had about Audrey's birth. Morgan is fascinated with birth and pregnancy and asks all sorts of questions. She loves to watch "baby shows" on TLC and Discovery Health. With her questions of the night answered, Morgan joined her sister for sleep.

Beach

The girls and I decided on a Friday evening that we would leave on Sunday and go to Amelia Island to spend a week with Peepa Butch and Cathy. It was the first time that we had driven to his house since Audrey was born and I was a little nervous. Much to my surprise, we only stopped one time each way and it took right at 6 hours. On the way there, we stopped at Taco Bell, spread a blanket in the parking lot, and had a picnic. The girls ran around and played for a little bit and didn't even complain when we got back into the car. On the way home, we stopped at McD's, Morgan got an ice cream, and both girls played on the playground.
Most of the week we hung around the house and spent time with Dad and Cathy. Morgan got to make things from wood and nails with her granddad. She made several crafts and a chocolate cake with Cathy. She also spent lots of time in the hot tub when we were home.
The first couple of days made any beach visit near impossible. The wind was very strong and the sand stung our legs as it blew against our skin. Audrey was most upset by this and kept trying to go home. She didn't seem to mind that no one else was following her. She just took her little self up over the dunes saying, "ohm ohm." I wrapped her in a towel (one of her favorite things to do) to protect her until we headed home a few minutes later. Eventually, though, the weather improved and we spent some time digging in the sand and playing in the water. One morning the girls met a toy poodle named Louise and couldn't keep their hands off of her. Morgan was in her glory walking around holding the small pooch. The owner was one of those dog people who treat their small canine like an infant and she was a little uncomfortable but handled it well. We left with hopes of seeing Louise some time later, though that never happened.
Morgan played with Dad's 7 year old neighbor, Autumn most days we were there. Morgan waited impatiently each day for the girls to get home for school. I think Autumn is a very lonely little girl who doesn't have many children who play with her. She would come over to the house even though she acted like she was extremely annoyed by everything my girls would do. It didn't help that my girls were so tired that they couldn't really hold themselves together for very long. Autumn really wasn't very nice to Morgan, but Morgan enjoyed her company nonetheless.
We all missed Mark like crazy and were very excited to go home. One day while we were there, I voiced my feelings about missing him to Morgan. Her response was, "just don't think about it. That is what I do and then I don't miss him anymore." I felt like this was an important insight into how my daughter works and it tells me a lot about her personality. Anyway...she was thrilled to get home and couldn't wait for her daddy to hold her. Watching my girls run into his arms was an awesome sight. It was the perfect end to a great vacation with my daughters.

Jacksonville Zoo

We went to visit Peepa Butch and Cathy for a week and have been back for a week now. One of the highlights of the trip was visiting the Jacksonville Zoo. It was absolutely wonderful and definitely the best zoo I have been to. The children's section was worth the admission alone. The day was especially hot and it was too bad that we didn't have suits for the girls because there was a water park there. Luckily there was an air conditioned playroom that the girls really liked. Both of them dressed up as vets and took care of some stuffed animals. Morgan put on a puppet show and dressed up in animal costumes. We stayed in the room until a man came in and told us it was time for the otters to eat and that
we should go watch. They fed the otters live fish and they would occasionally spit the fish out half alive onto the ledge next to the window. The kids were amazed to see the bloody half fish lying there waiting to be consumed.
The girls played on the playground and rode the merry go round. Audrey wasn't very excited about the ride but was ok as long I put my arms around her.
Morgan's favorite part of our zoo visit was definitely feeding the birds. I think she could have stayed there all day. She loved having the birds land on her arm. When her cup was empty, she walked around calling the birds hoping they would come back. When we were finished, there was a hand washing station that just may have been Audrey's favorite part:) She stood there putting her hands up saying, "hands hands." Washing her hands is up there on her favorite activities list.
We stayed at the zoo until they were closing and to Morgan's disappointment, we were only able to ride the train once. The girls were exhausted when we we left and Audrey fell asleep almost as soon as we were in the car.

The smile is priceless

Park it in the rain

Morgan went with Diane this morning to have "special time" and to buy a present for Meridith's birthday. Audrey and I met them at lunch time for a bite to eat before Audrey's nap. Morgan was excited about what she had chosen for her aunt and was ready to be home to wrap it all by herself. We gathered what she needed and Audrey and went downstairs for a little siesta.
When I got up, Morgan cleaned up and wanted to make cards for everyone who has a birthday this month. She told me what to look for on the internet and we printed some pictures for the cards.
Though the clouds were rolling in, we decided that it would be fun to go to the park for awhile. Audrey got a baby doll (which we hardly leave home without) and we were off. As soon as we arrived, we could see Morgan's friend, Selena, across the park. Morgan could not get out of her seat fast enough. She ran across the lawn shouting her friend's name. When I released Audrey, she did the same. She broke into an awkward run, with her baby in arms, shouting "eena, eena." It was absolutely precious.
While Morgan played with the children on the playground, Audrey enjoyed sliding down the slides over and over. She climbed the rock wall sort of thing to slide down the big slides. There were 2 boys around 5 or 6 years old that would shout, "baby alert," every time Audrey came their way. She seemed to think it was funny and got excited each time they said it.
When we arrived at the park it was already thundering, yet there were many children playing. We were there for about 30 minutes before the sky got darker, the thunder became louder, and the other parents began moving their children toward their cars. I was about to do the same thing when Morgan said, "lets just go to the stage and we can wait until the rain is done." "No" was about to fall out of my mouth when I realized I had no good reason to go and she seemed to have a wonderful reason to stay. So, she quickly hopped the fence and I handed Audrey over to her before hopping the fence myself. We crossed the field and went to dance on the stage. Morgan was in a world of her own and pretended to go to "school" and "work" and fly on planes. Audrey joined right in and they had a blast. Morgan found a forgotten pair of "ip ops" (flip-flops) that were about Audrey's size. She was ecstatic! The world melts away for a pair of shoes. She insisted on wearing them until we left and actually walked fairly well in them.
The rain began to fall and the girls ran around getting wet. I sat taking pictures of my beautiful children and truly enjoying the moment. It was absolutely perfect. I had nowhere else I wished to be. I am so thankful that Morgan had the idea to stick around for the rain AND that I stopped myself from just saying, "no."

Weekend

We went to playgroup at Hannah's last Friday. Everyone had a great time and I got some awesome pictures. They are still on the camera and I hope to get them uploaded soon because I know the mom's will really enjoy them. It was actually a lot of fun for me to be behind the camera. I got to look at the children from a totally different point of view. It was like getting into their world a bit. The individual characteristics of each child stood out in ways I had never appreciated before.
Morgan and I got to go on dates together on Saturday and Sunday. At her request we went shopping and out to dinner on Saturday. We shopped at KMart and she almost bought a set of baby doll twins. She carried them around as she looked at the other toys, clothes, and items. I explained that if she spent her money on the dolls that she would not have any left. She looked at them a few minutes and decided to wait on making a purchase. Sunday morning I woke up to find her studying a baby doll advertisement we had received in the mail. She looked over the magazine many times and decided she wanted to go back to the store to buy the dolls. We visited KMart, bought the dolls and some candy, and then went to see Shrek 3. We both loved it! We hurried home and got Audrey so we could go to the pool while Daddy stayed home and watched the football game.
Today Morgan went to the library with Mark and got many books. She made a long list of topics she wanted books on before they left. She was so excited to show me what she had checked out. We read a bit about the human body and fish before heading off to her dentist appointment. The office had a new hygentist who was incredible. I sat on the floor next to Morgan the whole time and held her hand when she asked me to. She has no cavities and picked out a toy from the toy chest.
Tomorrow we are going to the lake with Diane and Margaret. Morgan has been talking about being with Diane for 3 days now. She can't wait to spend some time with her tomorrow.

To play, eat, and shop

We had a fabulous day. After Morgan and I did Pilates together this morning and had breakfast with Audrey, we headed out to meet Hannah and Stephanie at the park. Unfortunately, even though I made sure to charge the batteries for the camera and sit it next to my bag, I left it sitting on the table. Morgan and Hannah hugged the minute they saw each other and seemed to enjoy playing with each other. Audrey had a blast sliding down some crazy fast slides. She slid over and over and over. One was so fast that she actually slid off at the bottom. She also got to throw and make it "rain" sand (one of her favorite things to do).
Stephanie and I had a great time as usual. She had been gone for awhile visiting her husband's family and so it was nice to catch up.
We met Diane for lunch at La Parilla, got a movie for Morgan, and went home for a rest. Audrey and I took a nap while Morgan watched The Backyardagains. Once we all had enough downtime, we went to Target so Morgan could look at the toys. She is VERY interested in buying things lately and it doesn't matter too much what it is. She had $5 and couldn't find anything that she really wanted, yet she still wanted to buy something. She started to have a fit and was getting louder and louder saying, "You said I could get something." I calmly stood where I was and asked her to please come over so we could talk. She did and I explained that when she yelled when we were shopping that it was not fun for me and it made me hesitant to go shopping with her. She immediately stopped and said calmly, "ok, I won't scream." Though she still wanted to buy something, she seemed ok with saving her money and looking at another store tomorrow.
I am not sure if that interaction had anything to do with what she said at bedtime, but it seemed somewhat related. When Audrey is REALLY tired and we stop nursing, she cries for a minute. Tonight when she cried, Morgan said, "Audrey, your crying won't make you get to nurse." We talked about how that may be true, but that there is not anything wrong with crying to express your disappointment or sad feelings. It was a "fascinating" conversation ("fascinating" was Morgan's new word today).

Happy Birthday, Diane!

My grandmother was one of the most, if not the most, patient, loving, accepting, and gentle beings that I have ever known. It wasn't that she was perfect, or that I ever thought that she was. She just had an ever present peace about her that allowed me to relax and be myself around her. I can't remember even one time when I felt like she judged me or thought I was anything less than perfect just the way I was. Her love was absolutely unquestionably unconditional. My innermost darkest secrets couldn't touch the way she felt about me. If anything, I think my struggles actually deepened the love my gram had for me. Whenever we were together, there was always a moment when she would stop and ask, "Do you know I love you?" When I would reply, "yes," she would tell me that that is all that mattered in her life. Her question was never rhetorical. She was always so sincere in the way she asked that I knew my answer meant something each and every time I answered. The way in which she consistently asked this left me with no doubt that loving and being loved are truly the reasons for being alive. She held me, both metaphorically and literally, in such a way that my worries melted and acceptance of myself in this life would remain. Her love worked miracles. I saw it and it changed me forever.

I remember my grandmother today, her daughter's birthday. Even though she is no longer physically with me, my gram lives on through her daughter. On the days when sorrow fills my body at the thought that my children will never experience their great grandmommy, I am relieved as soon as my thoughts turn to Diane. Watching her with my girls is something I hold sacred. The way their faces light up and their bodies come alive with excitement when Diane shows up is truly a beautiful sight. I know from the way she speaks to them, the way she touches them, and the way she respects each one for the unique person she is, that my girls have in Diane what I had in my grandmother. There aren't many things I want more than my daughters to experience the peace and acceptance that comes with being loved as Diane loves them. I actually do sleep better at night knowing they have that amazing woman in their lives. I look forward to every moment we spend together and miss her terribly when she is away. We all do. We are all better for loving and being loved by her. Words do not even come close to being able to express the gratitude that lives in my heart for everything she does for my family. I thank you and hope you know how much I love you. Do you know I love you? Happy Birthday, Diane!

"Ewww"

Audrey is very sensitive when it comes to textures. The word "ewww" flies from her lips more times per day than I care to count. Many people have heard about her first experience with finger paints...she gagged the moment her little finger touched the stuff. For the longest time we thought she didn't like chocolate due to her reaction to her chocolate chip cookie cake on her first birthday. Really, it was the icing that disgusted her so because chocolate chips themselves are one of her favorite "num nums." Mud between her toes or yogurt that has accidentally dropped onto her hand provokes feelings of disgust in my youngest daughter. Recently she had another reaction that I found interesting. While Morgan was finishing up her bath, I held Audrey up to the mirror to look at her reflection. I decided to do one of those experiments that I had read about in college. If you put some sort of mark on a baby's face and then show them a mirror, they will reach for the mirror to try and get it off rather than their own face. Well, the only thing I had was some toothpaste and so I chose to put a tiny green dot of past on Audrey's forehead and hold her to the mirror. I couldn't hold back the chuckle. There was no reaching to get the object off of the baby in the mirror. She couldn't even continue looking in the mirror. Just the sight of the small gooey green dot triggered her gag reflex and my experiment was over.

Kids Classic .5K

The girls and I woke up today with no plans. I did, what is becoming, my usual Saturday morning check of the atlantaparent.com for fun things to do. I was thrilled to find a free "Family Festival" going on at the Galleria. Just the children's activities alone sounded great. The bonus was that there was a kids run at 11:00. Morgan was completely psyched and couldn't wait for her first race.
We got there early and registered. We still had about an hour before the run and so we checked out the sponsor booths and games that were set up. Morgan had a blast and basically had the place to herself since we were early. There were inflatables, mini golf, carnival type games with prizes, and a fire truck. Each booth had some sort of free giveaway and one even had free ice cream!
Around 10:45 we headed to the start line. Audrey was set in the stroller and Morgan was listening intently to the announcer. She was having a hard time waiting and kept asking, "When are we going to go?" She even "practiced" by moving her arms back and forth as you would if you were running. We were in the 4 and under group and had I known that she wanted to be closer to the front, we would have moved. However, we were back a little and there was that lag that happens in a race when everyone starts to get moving. It was made worse because I had the jogging stroller. Morgan actually said she wanted to win. I encouraged her to run as fast as she wanted and told her I would catch up to her and not to worry. I am still not completely sure what happened for her, but in the 7 minutes and 13 seconds it took to finish, she stopped twice for me to hold her while she cried. From talking to her about it this evening, I think that she was pulled in two directions. On one hand she wanted to run ahead and on the other, she wanted to run next to me. The whole situation just seemed to overwhelm her a little. Despite the tears, she still wants to run another race sometime. Next time, though, she wants Audrey to stay with someone so we can run together:)
After crossing the finish line, we went to get her shirt. She was so proud that she changed into it immediately. I took some pictures of her and then we were off for more games. She got to climb a rock wall which is something she has wanted to do for a long time. And then right before we were about to head out...we saw them...horses! She was beside herself. She stood in line twice and probably would have continued to do so had I not been so hungry. We left to get lunch after a wonderful day together and are actually thinking about going back to the festival tomorrow.

Muddy River Play

Today was beautifully overcast and less than hotter than hell. We hung around the house for most of the early afternoon. I took a little nap with Audrey to help keep a headache at bay. (I have stopped drinking soda and my head has been pounding for 2 days). Morgan was very patient with me considering she REALLY wanted to sew. In order not to wake her sister, she kept whispering downstairs, "Mommy, come on." Finally, I was able to pick my body off the bed in order to help Morgan my baby with the sewing machine. When Audrey got up, Morgan was excited to show Audrey the machine and "help" her touch it and look at all the parts.
After we cleaned up a little, we were off to play at the park. We actually didn't even enter the playground today. Morgan went straight to the stage and found some kids to play with. Audrey and I lagged behind as Morgan ran off to look at the river. Before I could even catch up, she asked if she could go down to the water. The water was high and there was no real place to play the last time she had asked and that picture was at the forefront of my mind. Immediately, I said, "no." However, when I got to the deck, I could see how low the river was and that we could all go down and play in the sand/mud. Morgan was very happy that I had a change of mind and rushed off to play with 3 children that were already swimming in the muddy water. Morgan wasn't there for 2 seconds before she was rubbing the mud on her dress and walking as far as she could go. I was totally bummed that I did not have my camera with me!
Audrey was not quite as eager to get messy or wet. As soon as I set her tiny toes onto the sand, she freaked out. I was pleased to have her stay in my arms until she was ready to explore a little more. I knew that once she started digging in the mud with a stick she would be fine; it really is just the texture of the sand/mud that bothers her the most. Eventually, she requested to get "up" and played quietly at my feet without ever venturing out too far.
Morgan, on the other hand, was far enough up the river that I could see her but couldn't hear her at all. She was playing with a boy named Clark(5) and another girl around the age of 5. Clark's little sister, Jessica (3), started crying about something. Her mother was with me and showed no sign of going to her. Morgan left the two older children and went to help the little girl. I have no idea what was said, but it was such an awesome sight to watch my little girl leave her game and wade to the water to the girl. She took her hand and helped her move through the water. I smiled from the inside out at the beautiful child that is my daughter.

Audrey shows off her shoes

Audrey LOVES shoes (and baby dolls)!!! The world stops for a pair of shoes not being worn. Any pair will are fine no matter what size. She loves them all and enjoys showing hers to people. While we were at Fernbank, this little girl in the picture was truly taken with Audrey and wanted to be near her. Audrey immediately started "talking" to her. Though the words made no sense to my adult ears, the moment she stuck her foot out I knew what the topic of conversation was. She even sat down to show the girl's mom her wonderful shoes as well.

"Corder" Sesame Street

Yesterday, as I was busy getting ready for the day, Morgan and Audrey were dancing to some music that was on Elmo's World. They were having such a fabulous time together! When I was finished getting ready, Morgan asked, "will you 'corder' Sesame Street for me." ("corder" = record) I said, "Sure, but I thought you didn't like Sesame Street." To which my daughter replied, "I don't, but I do if Audrey watches it with me." :)

Fernbank Community Day

Today was a lot of fun. Diane picked us up around 9:30 this morning and we went to Fernbank's community day. Admission was free and the place was pretty crowded. Morgan practically ran through the museum giving everything a glance over. We have noticed that this is how she likes to experience places like that. When we went to the aquarium and 2 different children's museums, she did the same thing. At Fernbank she seemed to like the dinosaur exhibit and the "fishing basket" in the children's area the best. Stopping and letting anyone read to her about any of the exhibits is not something she is interested in doing. Looking around and touching things is how she is learning best so far.
The museum is not conducive to having a toddler in tow. There was only one small elevator and lots of stairs. I was very thankful that Diane was with us. It would have been MUCH more difficult on my own! I think the girls had a fun time and it is a place that I think the girls will enjoy more as they get older.
We ate lunch at El Azteca on the way home. The food was absolutely wonderful and it wasn't too hot to eat outside. I was in heaven because I love that area of town so much and don't get to go there very often. I think we all had a good time.
While Audrey napped, Morgan and I watched the Princess Diaries 2, which I have to admit I enjoyed:) Then we went to the pool. Morgan only swam for about 10 minutes when her friend, Selena, arrived at the playground. Morgan quickly jumped out of the pool and joined her friend on the monkey bars. The girls played for over and hour and I know Morgan was thrilled. The two of them really bring out the best in one another. Audrey swam with me the majority of the time the girls played and then we went home for a quick dinner.
Today was a long day for Mark and the girls did not get to see him. Morgan was almost in tears over it and asked if she could please get up early tomorrow to see him before he goes to work. I promised he would give her a kiss when he gets home.
Before going to sleep, Morgan and I shared about ourselves with each other. She was honest and open about things she has done that she tried to hide from me because she thought I would get angry about and about times she feels sad and afraid. It was an awesome discussion and she was very peaceful before she drifted off to sleep.
Little Audrey was a little overtired and whined "baby, baby, baby," before giving up and closing her eyes for the day. I fell asleep right between the two of them, thankful for my absolutely wonderful life.

The chipmunk

Last Friday, the girls and I went on our normal morning run. When we returned, we found one of the most disturbing things I think I have ever experienced. A poor little chipmunk had gotten stuck on a rat trap that had been put into the garage and was fighting for its life. Watching it struggle to free itself was beyond sad. For some reason, the feeling of terror crept over my entire body and I was paralyzed to help the little creature. I quickly ran into the house for Mark. Now freeing a wild animal from a trap is something he would usually NOT be interested in doing. Knowing this, I told him there was something he needed to do outside and he could not tell me there was nothing he could do about it. Oh yeah...and to please hurry. My wonderful husband came out and went right to work with sticks and warm water and freed the animal. After it struggled so long, I am not sure if it lived or not, but I sure hope so.

Daddy is home

This past week Mark was gone a lot between school and work. The sweet man is working his butt off and has to be completely exhausted. Every minute he is home, he has both girls clamoring for his attention. This morning he got up at 7:30 and helped Morgan paint out on the deck. Audrey and I went for my run while the two of them spent some time together. On the days we run and Mark is off, Audrey repeats, "dada, dada, dada," over and over during the stroller ride. She does that even if we leave and he is still asleep in bed. She is very in tune with Daddy and continuously calls his name when he is around. We all love spending time together and are extremely lucky to have each other.

The mess

A few days ago, in the late afternoon, I looked around the living room and all I could see were toys paper, clothes, and other items strewn all over the place. The walls began to close in and I lost myself for what seemed like a very long time. I am sure it seemed even longer to my poor daughter. All of the sudden I could not stand the room looking like a disaster area for one more minute. I obsessively clung to the idea that the room needed to be cleaned immediately and that Morgan needed to help me. Every moment that ticked by, as I put away toy after toy, my body became more tense with the anger that was bubbling up inside my body. My daughter stood watching her normally calm mommy turn into a manipulative and angry bitch. I suppose in the beginning I did actually request Morgan' s help in a half way decent tone. However, it was a tone that was, I am sure, less than inviting and carried a strong "get the heck away from mommy," vibe with it. Being 4 and less likely to walk out of the room when spoken to in a rude, threatening, and disrespectful way, my child sat on the couch and cried as I insinuated that I was going to throw away some of her papers that were on the floor if she didn't pick them up. As the words left my lips, I knew that how I was acting was making a mess much larger than the one I was so intent on getting straightening. The mess I was making was one I could apologize for but could never clean up.

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Erasing those moments would not do either one of us any good. I continue to think about it and the many issues that arise from talking about it with different people. One conversation in particular that has come up has stuck with me and I am still trying to flesh it out. So here goes...

There is one point of view that says children should listen to their parents and obey when they are told/asked to do something, period. Why? No, seriously, why? I have a hard time coming up with a reasonable answer to this question. It is not that I can't see that the parent may have some knowledge about the world that the child doesn't have. I just think that the adult's knowledge does not trump the needs/wants of a child. When someone says, "she should just listen," what is often meant is that the adult's words/wishes are more important than the child's. According to this paradigm, when I asked Morgan to help me clean, she should have begun putting things away. When she replied, "I don't want to," her words should hold no importance and would be seen as disrespectful of me. However, the disrespect inherent in me ignoring her stated feeling is not even recognized. (I find it funny that people who adopt this parenting style are often the ones who say their children can't accept when they are told, "no." It seems to me the children aren't the only ones who can't accept being told, "no.")
What fascinates me is what happens when I exchange Morgan with Mark in this example. If I had asked Mark to help me clean and he told me he didn't want to, would I still be expected to disregard his wishes and demand his help? Would it be acceptable for me to tell him I would throw away his clothes he had left in the floor? Would it even make sense for me to tell him he could not get on the computer until he helped clean the room? Of course, this is absurd. So why is it less absurd when dealing with a child. I would argue that it is absolutely just as ridiculous.

Perhaps my biggest concern with expecting my children to "do as they are told," is the long term effect it would have on my relationship with them. I see no value in "top-down" parenting and see clearly how it destroys whatever respect and connection that may be present between children and their parents. I feel that this type of parenting is short sighted and gives no thought to the fact that we are not raising children, but raising adults. When my children are grown, I hope they are authentic people who (among many other things) find value in their relationship with me. In order for this to be the case, I can't wait until they reach adulthood to start respecting who they are.
From the beginning of their lives, I have tried every day (and hopefully succeeded on most days) to communicate my interest in and love for who my daughters truly are and who they are not. It is important to me that they know I respect them and value their opinions. I want our relationships to be alive and constantly growing. I want them to know without a doubt that my love is unconditional. And I want them to know that I have always believed they were my equals. The loudest and most convincing way I know to communicate my feelings to my children is through my actions. This belief is what keeps me constantly looking at how I behave and trying to do better. I know there will be many many more times like the one we had the other day. I am not perfect and I will continue to make mistakes. I acknowledge this openly with my girls and will continue to apologize whenever it is necessary.

10 Ways We Misunderstand Children

Ten Ways We Misunderstand Children

By Jan Hunt, M.Sc.

(from the Natural Child Project)

1. We expect children to be able to do things before they are ready.

We ask an infant to keep quiet. We ask a 2-year-old to sit still. We ask a 4-year-old to clean his room. In all of these situations, we are being unrealistic. We are setting ourselves up for disappointment and setting up the child for repeated failures to please us. Yet many parents ask their young children to do things that even an older child would find difficult. In short, we ask children to stop acting their age.

2. We become angry when a child fails to meet our needs.

A child can only do what he can do. If a child cannot do something we ask, it is unfair and unrealistic to expect or demand more, and anger only makes things worse. A 2-year-old can only act like a 2-year-old, a 5-year-old cannot act like a 10-year-old, and a 10-year-old cannot act like an adult. To expect more is unrealistic and unhelpful. There are limits to what a child can manage, and if we don't accept those limits, it can only result in frustration on both sides.

3. We mistrust the child's motives.

If a child cannot meet our needs, we assume that he is being defiant, instead of looking closely at the situation from the child's point of view, so we can determine the truth of the matter. In reality, a "defiant" child may be ill, tired, hungry, in pain, responding to an emotional or physical hurt, or struggling with a hidden cause such as food allergy. Yet we seem to overlook these possibilities in favor of thinking the worst about the child's "personality".

4. We don't allow children to be children.

We somehow forget what it was like to be a child ourselves, and expect the child to act like an adult instead of acting his age. A healthy child will be rambunctious, noisy, emotionally expressive, and will have a short attention span. All of these "problems" are not problems at all, but are in fact normal qualities of a normal child. Rather, it is our society and our society's expectations of perfect behavior that are abnormal.

5. We get it backwards.

We expect, and demand, that the child meet our needs - for quiet, for uninterrupted sleep, for obedience to our wishes, and so on. Instead of accepting our parental role to meet the child's needs, we expect the child to care for ours. We can become so focussed on our own unmet needs and frustrations that we forget this is a child, who has needs of his own.

6. We blame and criticize when a child makes a mistake.

Yet children have had very little experience in life, and they will inevitably make mistakes. Mistakes are a natural part of learning at any age. Instead of understanding and helping the child, we blame him, as though he should be able to learn everything perfectly the first time. To err is human; to err in childhood is human and unavoidable. Yet we react to each mistake, infraction of a rule, or misbehavior with surprise and disappointment. It makes no sense to understand that a child will make mistakes, and then to react as though we think the child should behave perfectly at all times.

7. We forget how deeply blame and criticism can hurt a child.

Many parents are coming to understand that physically hurting a child is wrong and harmful, yet many of us forget how painful angry words, insults, and blame can be to a child who can only believe that he is at fault.

8. We forget how healing loving actions can be.

We fall into vicious cycles of blame and misbehavior, instead of stopping to give the child love, reassurance, self-esteem, and security with hugs and kind words.

9. We forget that our behavior provides the most potent lessons to the child.

It is truly "not what we say but what we do" that the child takes to heart. A parent who hits a child for hitting, telling him that hitting is wrong, is in fact teaching that hitting is right, at least for those in power. It is the parent who responds to problems with peaceful solutions who is teaching his child how to be a peaceful adult. So-called problems present our best opportunity for teaching values, because children learn best when they are learning about real things in real life.

10. We see only the outward behavior, not the love and good intentions inside the child.

When a child's behavior disappoints us, we should, more than anything else we do, "assume the best". We should assume that the child means well and is only behaving as well as possible considering all the circumstances (both obvious and hidden from us), together with his level of experience in life. If we always assume the best about our child, the child will be free to do his best. If we give only love, love is all we will receive.

An auditory vision

Morgan came out with, what I think, to be a very fascinating statement/story today. She was trying to tell me about something that happened to her a few days ago. She said she was doing something and my voice and her voice were in her head. She said that she knew it was in her head because she saw me sitting in the chair and I was not talking. She said "it was like a vision." I asked her when she first noticed this and she said "the other day when I was watching Cheetah Girls."

This whole conversation stunned me. I don't think that I have ever really wondered when someone first realizes or hears their own voice in their head. That has to symbolize some sort of change in consciousness?. I now wonder if there was any internal dialogue before and she was just unaware of it or if there was none at all. When she told me of her experience, she seemed to think it was interesting and new. Is this something that coincides with the concept of "I" or "me" that is separate from another? As I have written in a recent post, Morgan's empathy seems to also be developing around the same time as this new phenomena. It seems to me that empathy and the experience/awareness of the "self" would begin to develop around the same time.

These ideas excite me and remind me to be careful about what I expect from my children. I am also reminded of how completely different their internal world is than my own. It is so easy to forget these facts and fall into that mode of expecting way too much from them. I absolutely believe that children are doing the best they can at any given moment. A toddler that grabs a toy from another is doing what everything in his being is telling him to do. "Sharing" is not something that makes any sense at that stage. You can say, "you have to learn to share," a zillion times and it won't make any difference until he is actually capable of sharing. Keeping in mind that empathy and a sense of self are essential in having the ability to share, the ability comes much later than some may think. Remembering that they are working with a different set of tools and are using them in the best way they know how definitely helps me to be more compassionate, empathetic, and better mom.

Surprise weekend

We had a very busy weekend! Friday I was able to finish my CPR instructor training by teaching Diane and Margaret in front of my teacher. I was checked off and I am now an official CPR instructor! Hopefully I will get some more clients soon.

Friday evening I asked mom what her weekend looked like and she mentioned that she was watching the girls on Sat. because Mark was taking me out. Mark had not mentioned this to me and I thought it a bit odd since making arrangements for the girls in order to take me out is out of character for him. He successfully explained it away and Sat. afternoon he took me to La Paz for lunch. When we got there my family was waiting to celebrate my 30th birthday with me a little early. It was wonderful! I was so happy to see people I love so much; Diane, Margaret, Rick, Mom, Meridith, Mark, Morgan, Audrey, and...my Dad. I almost burst into tears on the spot. It was a wonderful and memorable birthday surprise! After eating a delicious lunch, we went to Diane and Margaret's to hang out with my Dad for the rest of the evening. We met for breakfast of Sun. before he had to go back home.

I decided that once I teach a few classes of CPR and get some moola, I will drive to the beach to stay with Dad and Cathy for a few days. I asked Morgan if she wanted to do this and she is very excited by the idea. Actually, she is packing an incredible amount of items that she wants to bring right now. The fact that I am not even sure when we are going is of no importance to her. She is having such a great time that I wouldn't dream of stopping her.

The weekend was so busy and Audrey definitely did not get enough sleep. She had a cough and runny nose Monday and seemed to feel quite crappy. She took 2 long naps and slept for a long time last night. She seems somewhat better today, but I think we will still take it easy today.

Too Cute!